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New Almanac Entry

Concrete Tape

Unbelievably strong (and expensive) tape made of composite Krypro-web fibres.
On strip is strong enough to support a teenage Osteop and one person the size of Dash.

Unbelievably strong (and expensive) tape made of composite Krypro-web fibers.

Concrete-tape comes in rolls of 50 yards and in three thicknesses of increasing strength.

Household-Industrial
One strip is strong enough to support a teenage osteop and someone the size of Dash.

Industrial-industrial
One strip is strong enough to support a seven teenage osteops.

Combat-industrial
One strip is strong enough to support 12 teenage osteops.

The tape was invented by Mr. Rosebank and is trademarked by Swedhump Elementary. This means that for every roll sold, and small royalty payment goes to the school, hence paying for many of the fantastic features at Swedhump, including the zip-line emporium, all eighteen of the school pools, maintenance of the boundary wall, and of the principal zofis.

The largest manufacturer of concrete-tape is Hansen & Johnson, which has a daily output of over 1,00 rolls. Hansen & Johnson also breeds and exports osteops, hence they have an ample supply for tape strength testing, which is why the strength is generally measured in osteops.

New Comic Added

We’ve published a new comic to our comics page.
They can all be seen here.

New Comic Added

We’ve published a new comic to our comics page.
They can all be seen here.

New Comic Added

We’ve published a new comic to our comics page.
They can all be seen here.

New Almanac Entry

Flus


The Flus is a flying bus – powered by 5-10 RRRs (Retractable Rooftop Rotors)
Top air speed: 333 mph
Top ground speed: 55 mph
Maximum capacity: 44 excluding pilot
Max altitiude: 3,333 feet
Typical color: Yellow with yellow spots

There is only one flus and it’s the one at Swedhump Elementary. It was designed and built by Mr. Rosebank and test-piloted by Mr. Hogsbottom. The vehicle has sparked interest from Dr. Osgood Winklevoss, Lord Admiral of the Triplocopter Flight Training Academy, but Mr. Rosebank is not interested in selling his idea. He says “It was built for school purposes and that it the way it must be! I don’t want it being converted for any other use. The flus was made to transport kids, and that’s it!”

The wheels and rotors are powered by the same engine, and GF868, which is a fuel-injected, turbo-charged, 68 cylinder quadruple-sprocket glocken-rinkle, with quadrangle gaskets and an intubated hairy offen-grocken. The hairy offen-grocken only needs to be serviced once every five years, which is good.

Mr. Hogsbottom is the only person who is able to fly the flus. He once tried to train Dr. Williams, but then she had to go to Egypt, and they never got round to finishing the lessons.

The paintwork on the flus was done by the kids as a project that gave them credits for art class. Ms. Woodhouse oversaw the process. First it was painted yellow, and then yellow spots were painted on. Ms. Woodhouse was extremely proud of the work they did, and everyone got an A for it.

New Almanac Entries

New Almanac entries


Advanced Pause Strategy (APS)

In order to acquire Pause-Master certification, the candidate needs to perfect APS. This involves four main steps:
[1] Learning of the entire Pauselopedia off-by-heart.
[2] Spending 6 months in a cave on top of a mountain with a Pause Guru.
[3] Perfecting the Gold Star Tips of that particular Pause Guru.
[4] Getting through the preliminary knockout round of the Pause Game World Championships.

Mr. Rrr-Tökk-Tökk once spent three years with a Pause Guru in a small cave atop a mountain in Northern Swottolia.

Their daily routine was as follows:

6-8am: Polishing the cave
8-9am: Breakfast
9-10am: Polishing the area around the cave
11am-12pm: Descending mountain to buy more polish
12-1pm: Lunch
1-5 pm: Climbing back up mountain
5-7 pm: Recovering from the climb
7-8 pm: Dinner
8pm: Bedtime


Pause Game World Championships

Held annually.

Prizes as follows:

1st place: Gold medal + $5,000,006
2nd place: Silver medal + $2,000,006
3rd place: Bronze medal + $1,000,003
4th place: Copper medal + $100 + 5 gallons of wombat juice
5th place: No prize
6th place: Aluminium medal + a bag of carrots (nice ones)

New Almanac Entries

New Almanac entries


THE PAUSE GAME
Highly social, brilliant and occasionally annoying game. First recorded occurrence of it was in ancient Hipposwotania in 467 BC. The game has been refined over generations and the rules are now codified in the Pauselopedia, which as you know, was written by Mr. Rrr-Tökk-Tökk.

Basic rules as follows:

RULE 1: When someone shouts “Pause!”, everyone in the room has to freeze completely still, including the person who shouted “Pause!”

RULE 2: You can only move again when the shouter shouts “Play!”

RULE 3: The shouter needs to hold their breath between shouting “Pause!” and “Play!”

RULE 4: If the shouter breathes before they say “Play!”, the “Pause!” is broken and everyone can move again.

RULE 5: Each person is only allowed to shout “Pause!” once per day, and they can do it whenever they want.


PAUSELOPEDIA
Written by Zephaniah Rrr-Tökk-Tökk, this fine tome covers everything there is to know about the Pause game. Large sections on rules, history, national variants, famous competitions, legendary winners and notorious cheats.

The first edition was published in 1995. New editions are published annually. There were only 100 copies of the first edition, which these days are highly sought-after and therefore VERY expensive. At a recent auction in Stefannesburg, one of them sold for 33 million dollars.

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New Almanac entries


The Sniffsonian Museum
World’s most famous and important museum of natural history, artefacts, trivia, miscellany and heemo-globule globules.
Owned and curated by Mr. Sniffy.


Boreholicopter
Extraordinary machine that can fly and dig holes. Very expensive and few have been built. Equipped with a subterranean ossifier, quadro-retractable rotors and a muiltfucntional-dual-reticaluted-glockensprocket.


New Almanac Entries

New Almanac entries


Aqualinia Waterpark
Probably the world’s best waterslide park.
Ms. Aqualine is the founding chairwoman of the Aqualine Corporation, which established the waterpark in 2019. The Aqualine Corporation is also renowned for its pool floaties which are sold worldwide. The pinkfish, sweds and osteops are particularly popular.


Tie-D-Upper
Highly useful and effective device that tidies everything up. Range is 12 metres. Can only be used once per 24 hours. If used twice, the second time it actually doubles the mess.


Staircase Mooses
Friendly creatures that can be tamed and become very useful for assistance with climbing up things. Same lifespan as humans. The staircase is not there when born, and usually only starts growing once the moose reaches the teenage years. Large herds of them are found in the northern reaches of Moremi forest.