New Almanac Entries

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Advanced Pause Strategy (APS)

In order to acquire Pause-Master certification, the candidate needs to perfect APS. This involves four main steps:
[1] Learning of the entire Pauselopedia off-by-heart.
[2] Spending 6 months in a cave on top of a mountain with a Pause Guru.
[3] Perfecting the Gold Star Tips of that particular Pause Guru.
[4] Getting through the preliminary knockout round of the Pause Game World Championships.

Mr. Rrr-Tökk-Tökk once spent three years with a Pause Guru in a small cave atop a mountain in Northern Swottolia.

Their daily routine was as follows:

6-8am: Polishing the cave
8-9am: Breakfast
9-10am: Polishing the area around the cave
11am-12pm: Descending mountain to buy more polish
12-1pm: Lunch
1-5 pm: Climbing back up mountain
5-7 pm: Recovering from the climb
7-8 pm: Dinner
8pm: Bedtime

Pause Game World Championships

Held annually.

Prizes as follows:

1st place: Gold medal + $5,000,006
2nd place: Silver medal + $2,000,006
3rd place: Bronze medal + $1,000,003
4th place: Copper medal + $100 + 5 gallons of wombat juice
5th place: No prize
6th place: Aluminium medal + a bag of carrots (nice ones)

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Highly social, brilliant and occasionally annoying game. First recorded occurrence of it was in ancient Hipposwotania in 467 BC. The game has been refined over generations and the rules are now codified in the Pauselopedia, which as you know, was written by Mr. Rrr-Tökk-Tökk.

Basic rules as follows:

RULE 1: When someone shouts “Pause!”, everyone in the room has to freeze completely still, including the person who shouted “Pause!”

RULE 2: You can only move again when the shouter shouts “Play!”

RULE 3: The shouter needs to hold their breath between shouting “Pause!” and “Play!”

RULE 4: If the shouter breathes before they say “Play!”, the “Pause!” is broken and everyone can move again.

RULE 5: Each person is only allowed to shout “Pause!” once per day, and they can do it whenever they want.

Written by Zephaniah Rrr-Tökk-Tökk, this fine tome covers everything there is to know about the Pause game. Large sections on rules, history, national variants, famous competitions, legendary winners and notorious cheats.

The first edition was published in 1995. New editions are published annually. There were only 100 copies of the first edition, which these days are highly sought-after and therefore VERY expensive. At a recent auction in Stefannesburg, one of them sold for 33 million dollars.

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The Sniffsonian Museum
World’s most famous and important museum of natural history, artefacts, trivia, miscellany and heemo-globule globules.
Owned and curated by Mr. Sniffy.

Extraordinary machine that can fly and dig holes. Very expensive and few have been built. Equipped with a subterranean ossifier, quadro-retractable rotors and a muiltfucntional-dual-reticaluted-glockensprocket.

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Aqualinia Waterpark
Probably the world’s best waterslide park.
Ms. Aqualine is the founding chairwoman of the Aqualine Corporation, which established the waterpark in 2019. The Aqualine Corporation is also renowned for its pool floaties which are sold worldwide. The pinkfish, sweds and osteops are particularly popular.

Highly useful and effective device that tidies everything up. Range is 12 metres. Can only be used once per 24 hours. If used twice, the second time it actually doubles the mess.

Staircase Mooses
Friendly creatures that can be tamed and become very useful for assistance with climbing up things. Same lifespan as humans. The staircase is not there when born, and usually only starts growing once the moose reaches the teenage years. Large herds of them are found in the northern reaches of Moremi forest.

New Joke Added

We’ve added a new joke to our Jokes page.
They can all be see here!

3 New Scallywag Moves

New Almanac entries

Move 84 (Tarantula)
This is a highly effective evasive manoeuvre, particularly useful against Desert-Scallywags as they are scared of spiders. The move involves a deep grimace, spider-like screaming combined with a rapid and continued flailing the arms. The louder the scream and faster the arms flail, the more effective this move is.

Move 6,745 (Rocket Launch)
This is a highly dangerous 1-4-1-1 attack move. Often used by Desert-Scallywags. It involves building a tower with the strongest “foundation” scallywag at the bottom. 4 fighters then balance off him or her, to form the “base” of the rocket, then the two most agile of them atop of each other to form the “nose-cone”. The launch involves the top two flying off at high speed into the attack. The “base” 4 then attack and the foundation scallywag remains in place.

Move 26,941 (Sandstorm)
This is a very, very dangerous move that involves conjuring up a sandstorm. It is the favorite attack move of Desert-Scallywags since they always have a trail of sand following them. Once in formation, the scallywags raise their arms and begin a rapid repeat-chant which sounds like a mixture between a humming snail and a toad with stomach-cramps. As they do this they stretch out and sway their arms which lifts and twirls any sand in the area. It forms a mini tornado which catches anything in its path. The conjured sandstorm is impregnable and remains in place for at least 24 hours. The only known remedy is for it to be sucked up by a Full-Vacuum-Snozzle. Some hole-diggers come with inbuilt snoozes specifically for this purpose.

New Teachers Introduced

These are all the new teachers that appear in Book 4 (Thursday – Cleopatra’s Waterslide).

Mr. Rrr-Tökk-Tökk
Teaches the Pause! game.
Invented the Pause! Game and is current World Champion.
Wrote the #1 Bestselling Pauselopedia.

Ms. Glamorgan
Teaches Egyptology.
On some days, especially if it has been raining, there appears to be a small pyramid growing out of the top of her head. Nobody is sure whether it is decorative or some kind of pointy pimple.
Really famous swimmer – has won gold medals twice at the Olympics.
99m elbowstroke ad 147m grinning-dolphin.
Only person to have swum the full length of the River Nile (4,132 miles) five times, and a different stroke each time:
2020 – Windmill-stroke
2019 – Snack-stroke
2018 – Sulkingduck-stroke
2017 – Confused-starfish-stroke
2016 – Cactus-balancing-stroke

Ms. Glissicle
Teaches waterslide.
World Waterslide Champion (2008)
Final was held on the famously infamous slide, Spaghetti Junction.
She won by doing a Quadruple Corkscrew off the shoulder of Tube 617
(known as the Death Descent), whilst balancing a cup of tea on her head.
She spilled not a single drop. Apparently she drank the tea during the awards ceremony, and it was still warm.

Mr. Nomsa-Nomsa-Nomsa
Teaches hole-digging
The world’s most respected hole-digger mechanic.
Can repair a hole-digger faster than anyone.
Specialities include:
Cut-throat 64
Trenchifyer 98
Perforator 800
Aardvark 4.2D
Aardvark 66