Vehicles & Transport

Triplocopters

Triple-helicopters invented by G. & J. Tarrow Siblings Inc. in 2010. The equivalent of three helicopters stuck together. They are sixty one times faster and seventeen times more powerful than regular helicopters, though more complicated to fly. The test pilot of the first version was James Hogsbottom, who teaches Paper Airplane class at Swedhump Elementary. There have been no reported triplocopter crashes to date.

Triplocopter Landing Techniques

We would like to share these with you here but unfortunately landing a triplocopter is so complicated you’d never understand it, unless of course you have been to the TFTA (Triplocopter Flight Training Academy). But if you’ve been to TFT, you won’t need to read this, will you?

Triplocopter Oil Maintenance Procedure

Excess oil must be drained by opening valve 2,387g on a Wednesday or Friday. Once drained, new oil must be added using input valve 276b, but refilling must only take place on a Tuesday or Thursday. Adding oil on any other days is extremely irresponsible and can lead to mid-flight oil leakage or even worse, engine failure.

Triplo-triplocopters

These are simply triple triplocopters, i.e. the equivalent of 9 helicopters stuck together. Super-fast and powerful, but can only be flown by the very top students at flight school. James Hogsbottom was the first person to ever successfully land one. There have been three documented triplo-triplocopter crashes to date.

Hole-Digging Vehicles

Maned vehicle used for digging holes, mainly tunnels.
Common examples include:

Cut-throat 64
Trenchifyer 98
Perforator 800
Aardvark 4.2D
Aardvark 66

Quadcycles

Four-wheeled cycles that can fold up into a backpack and can be deployed by mind-activation. The wheel configuration constantly adapts to the terrain, and is controlled by a very sophisticated sensor (or “brain”) embedded in the saddle. A quadcycle looks easy to ride but it is actually quite difficult. A three-week introductory course at the QTA (Quadcycle Training Academy) is highly recommended.

Quadcycle Maintenance

Pretty much the same as a regular bicycle maintenance, apart from the sneggle-sprocket. Keep the drive-chain clean and well lubricated, make sure brake-fluid pressure is good, check all nuts and bolts before and after big missions, make sure the tires are in good condition, and finally, and most importantly, make sure the sneggle-sprocket is smooth and has enough lemon juice on it at all times. Make sure the lemon juice compression canister is fully primed to at least level 8, especially before big missions.

Noncycles

Noncyles are nine-wheeled bicycles.
They’re fun to ride, fast and very stable, especially over rough terrain.
The nonclycle is Ms. Greenacre’s preferred mode of ground transport.
She purchased hers from Darwin Cycles.
Runs so smoothly that it is believed it was actually built and tested by Humperdermus Ibis himself.

In case you’re wondering, this is the naming system:

Number: Greek (Latin) *cycle
—————————————————————————————
1: mono- (uni-) unicyle
2: duo-/di- (duo-/bi-) bicycle
3: tri- (tri-) tricycle
4: tetra- (quad-) quadcycle
5: penta- (quint-) pentacycle
6: hex- (sex-) hexacyle
7: hept- (sept-) heptacycle
8: oct- (oct-) octocycle
9: ennea- (non-) noncycle
10: dec- (dec-) decicycle

Ibis-99

Extraordinary decicycle on which Mr. Ibis won the Tour de South-Northern Swottolia (a legendary mountain-biking race).
He built it while blindfolded.
It’s in the museum at Swedhump Elementary.

HMS Snod-Bucket

Swedhump Elementary’s marine research vessel.
Used on marine Biology Week.

Nonsencycle

A nonsencycle is ridiculous noncycle, i.e. a 9-wheeled bicycle that doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Colin Oldham doesn’t have one. He has two.

Boreholicopter

Extraordinary machine that can fly and dig holes. Very expensive and few have been built. Equipped with a subterranean ossifier, quadro-retractable rotors and a muiltfucntional-dual-reticaluted-glockensprocket.

Acquiring a Boreholicopter pilot’s license requires completing a 14 month course at the Boreholicopter Academy. Places are few and far between and the entrance exam is extremely difficult.

For the 7 month flight snodule, candidates need to be able to also fly one of the following:

* A Triplocopter
* A Ratchet-Raptor
* A Flus

For the 7 month digging snodule, candidates need to master all of the following disciplines:

* Engine repair
* Mole ethnology
* Nose-cone thermo-dynamics
* Subterranean navigation
* Macro-tunnelling
* Micro-tunnelling
* Urban tunnelling
* Near-surface tunnelling
* Deep tunnelling

Boreholicopters are manufactured by Jammy Aeronautics & Mole-ificatory Technologies Unincorporated Corp. Ltd.

Aardvark 4.2D

Dash and Rob won one of these hole-diggers in a secret competition. So unfortunately we are unable to give any information about how they actually won. It has a 4.2 litre diesel engine, but with an inbuilt turbo-electric wassoon-emulsifier, so its good for stealth and speed, but not great on endurance. They keep it parked in Swedhump Elementary’s orange grove.

Engine size: 4.2 liter (diesel)
Number of blades: 1
Max speed: 50 mph
Max distance on one tank: 25 miles
Strength/special feature: Super-fast
Electric version available soon.

The Aardvark 4.2 can be piloted by just one person. If manned by a 2-man crew, the front position tends to control speed and incision velocity, while the rear position covers navigation.

Aardvark 66

2-person hole-digger that comes equipped with a 3D Macro-map and a Full-Vacuum-Anti-Sandstorm Snozzle.

Engine size: 6.6 liter (diesel)
Number of blades: 1
Max speed: 20 mph
Max distance on one tank: 100
Strength/special feature: Fantastic endurance
Electric version available soon.

The Aardvark 66 can be piloted by 1 person, but this is not recommended. This is because its real strength is as an endurance vehicle. Accordingly, on long missions, one pilot sleeps with the other at the controls, and then they swap. The Aardvark 66 is easily recognisable by its twin tracks, i.e. wheel tracks above and below the cockpit.

Cut-throat 64

1-person hole-digger.

Engine size: 6.4 liter (regular gas)
Number of blades: 2
Max speed: 30 mph
Max distance on one tank: 20
Strength/special feature: Decent speed but superb digging ability. Can also be used to cut down fences and trees.

The Cut-throat 64 comes with an ISC (Inbuilt Snack Console). This provides a continuous supply of snacks, treats and other deliciosities to the pilot. It also has an IBC (Inbuilt Bevergaes Console) which provides a wide range of soft drinks, sodas, iced-teas, hot-teas, milkshakes, smoothies and specialist beverages like wombat juice, walrus milk, choc-hotlitt, snolly juice and swamp juice.

The first edition of the Cut-throat 64 came out in 2015. There has been a new model every subsequent year. Ask your local dealer for more details.

2015: Cut-throat 64 – model a
2016: Cut-throat 64 – model b
2017: Cut-throat 64 – model c
2018: Cut-throat 64 – model d
2019: Cut-throat 64 – model e
2020: Cut-throat 64 – model f
2021: Cut-throat 64 – model g

Trenchifyer 98

1 or 2-person hole-digger.

Engine size: 9.8 liter (regular gas)
Number of blades: 2
Max speed: 10 mph
Max distance on one tank: 17
Strength/special feature: Perfect for surface work, like digging trenches or swimming holes.

Perforator 800

1 or 2-person hole-digger.

Engine size: 8.0 liter (diesel)
Number of blades: 3
Max speed: 5 mph
Max distance on one tank: 10
Strength/special feature: Slow-moving terrifying beast. Can dig through most surfaces, including asphalt.

Flus

Flying bus – powered by 5-10 RRRs (Retractable Rooftop Rotors)
Top air speed: 333 mph
Top ground speed: 55 mph
Maximum capacity: 44 excluding pilot
Max altitiude: 3,333 feet
Typical color: Yellow with yellow spots

There is only one flus and it’s the one at Swedhump Elementary. It was designed and built by Mr. Rosebank and test-piloted by Mr. Hogsbottom. The vehicle has sparked interest from Dr. Osgood Winklevoss, Lord Admiral of the Triplocopter Flight Training Academy, but Mr. Rosebank is not interested in selling his idea. He says “It was built for school purposes and that it the way it must be! I don’t want it being converted for any other use. The flus was made to transport kids, and that’s it!”

The wheels and rotors are powered by the same engine, and GF868, which is a fuel-injected, turbo-charged, 68 cylinder quadruple-sprocket glocken-rinkle. With quadrangle gaskets and in intubated hairy offen-grocken. The hairy offen-grocken only needs to be serviced once every five years, which is good.

Mr. Hogsbottom is the only person who is able to fly the flus. He once tried to train Dr. Williams, but then she had to go to Egypt, and they never got round to finishing the lessons.

The paintwork on the flus was done by the kids as a project that gave them credits for art class. Ms. Woodhouse oversaw the process. First it was painted yellow, and then yellow spots were painted on. Ms. Woodhouse was extremely proud of the work they did, and everyone got an A for it.

P’tonk-45

Mechanised library chair.
Only two known to exist.
One is owned by Ms. Grimstead.
The other was formerly owned by King Edmond the Gurkk, but it got stolen. Its whereabouts are completely unknown. Sadly.

Ratchet-raptor

1 or 2 seater titanium/carbon-fibre hover-bird. Highly mobile and can fly fast. Can reach altitudes of 800 feet and has a cruising speed of 80mph. Battery lasts 3 hours in full flight mode. Deployable in 3 seconds. Packable in 5 seconds. When packed, it’s about the size of a golf ball. Dash usually has one in his back-pack.

The first ever Ratchet-Raptor was test piloted by James Hogsbottom. On it’s maiden flight the navigation Nyeffy-Gimble was on the wrong setting (18 instead of 16) and he crashed into an osteop milking-shed on a neighbouring farm. Luckily he wasn’t injured in the crash, but there were over 200 osteops in the shed at the time, and they got such a fright that they began a stampede. It’s actually known in the history books as the Great Osteop Stampede of 2008. The osteops ran so far that a squadron of police triplocopters and triplo-triplocopters had to retrieve them individually. The farmer, a woman by the name of Jezebel-the-Magnificent, was initially going to sue Mr. Hogsbottom, but then she was interviewed on TV. She was so happy to have been on TV that she forgave him, and they are good friends to this day.