Kitchen

Wombat Juice

Wombat juice actually has nothing to do with wombats.
The name comes from its ingredients:

Walrus milk
Octopus saliva
Mango
Beetroot
Avocado
Tomato

Blend them in any proportions then serve with ice. Delicious!

Walrus Milk

It’s quite dangerous milking a walrus. But worth it, because their milk is delicious. Dash has a distant relative who is friendly with the brother of a man whose best friend’s sister’s uncle’s aunt’s son’s son has a walrus farm, and so Dash is able to get supplies.

Pizzup

Pizzup is like pizza but different.

And better.

Not only because it tastes better, but because one of the key ingredients is hover-yeast, which allows the pizzup to levitate (or float). So it can hover above a surface.

So for example if your desk is covered in stuff, you can have a pizzup without problem, because it will just hover above the clutter. Or, if you’re riding your quadcycle you can actually get a pizzup to fly alongside you for easy eating. They have been known to hover at speeds in excess of 41 miles per hour.

Disappointingly, eating a pizzup doesn’t have any effect on your own gravitational pull. Collum Ollum once tested this by eating a dozen pizzups. Big ones. It didn’t make him float, but did make him vomit. Don’t try it yourself.

Osteop Milk

It’s pretty easy to milk an osteop.
Their milk tastes better if milked with left hand.
Doctors recommend one glass daily, to be drunk between 7 and 8 am.
If you drink it after 8am you might get an upset elbow.

Choc-Hotlitt

Like hot chocolate, but better.

Hot-Chocolate
Taste: 8.3/10
Flavor: 9.1/10
Smell: 7.5/10
Overall: 8.3/10

Choc-Hotlitt
Taste: 10/10
Flavor: 10/10
Smell: 10/10
Overall: 10/10

To get the secret recipe of choc-hotlitt is actually quite complicated. It originated in a distant village and the only way to get the recipe is to go to the village. If you go to the village and get the recipe, and then share it, you will have bad luck. Very bad luck. So nobody shares the recipe. You have to go to the village.

111km east of Swedhump Elementary is a large range of foot-shaped hills called the Foothills. If you enter the main western valley of the Foothills, then follow the river, then turn north after three days at the fork in the path by the snodwood forest, then trek north-north-east for 2 days till the sunset coincides with a walrus-shaped rock formation to the west, and then you head east for one more day, but never deviating from the path, you’ll come across a village. In this village, go sit in the village square at dusk, and make sure to wear only red, Then, when the elders converge, approach them respectfully and ask them. Ask them for the secret recipe.

But they will not tell you, because this is the wrong village. They will give you directions to the correct village, and will even call a taxi for you.

Once you get to the correct village you’ll see a booth, usually with a line of people in front of it. If you join the line, when you get to the front, hand the little granny a fresh $10 bill (not two $5 bills or ten $1 bills) and she will give you the recipe.

Snorridge

Snorridge is like porridge, but better. It’s like normal porridge, but made with snow. If you don’t live in a snowy place, you can buy your own snorridge-snow-maker and have it in the kitchen. If you do live in a snowy place, better to use fresh snow.

Often accompanied by a glass of fresh snolly juice.

Most supermarkets stock snorridge, but demand would be so high if it was on a normal shelf so it’s usually tucked away on a secret shelf. If you go to the cereal section in a regular supermarket and stand right in the middle of the display and you then pull away the boxes at bellybutton level, usually that’s where the secret shelf is located.

There are seven main flavors, each named after a day of the week. If you eat the right one on the right day it will be delicious, but if you eat the wrong one, it will be awful. Saturday snorridge on a Saturday is apparently the most delicious, but Saturday snorridge on a Monday tastes particularly disgusting, and in some extreme cases might involve hospitalization.

Snolly Juice

Snolly juice is the perfect accompaniment to snorridge.

Its name is actually an acronym for the ingredients.

SNO: Snow
L: Lemon juice
L: Linguini
Y: Yoghurt

Twoaster

A twoaster is a toaster that takes 12 slices of bread.
The numbers on the eject dial refer to height in metres. So if you set it to 12, once done, the toast will fly at least 12 metres high.
Can be useful in combat situations.

Armadillo Cake

Totally, totally, totally, totally, totally, totally, totally, totally, totally, totally, totally, delicious armadillo-flavored cake. Shaped like an armadillo.

Come in eight sizes:

[1] Very large
[2] Large
[3] Large medium
[4] Medium medium
[5] Small medium
[6] Small
[7] Tiny
[8] Microscopic

The last two sizes are not really worth getting, except for your ants.

Armadillo cakes are not easy to make, and we would not suggest trying at home. What happened to Roger Finkle-Finkle Hummer-Garten is a cautionary tale.

Roger Finkle-Finkle Hummer-Garten fancied himself as a level 14 cook and a level 17 baker. He actually was good, but not above level 12 in either category. Anyway, one Saturday Roger Finkle-Finkle Hummer-Garten decided he was going to bake an armadillo cake. He got all the ingredients together, but didn’t read the instructions on the bottle of the armadillo compound. As a result, he put in two drops too many. And of course you know what happens when that happens. Yep, it happened. Big time. It was actually quite unbelievable. People in that part of town still talk about it to this day.

The best Armadillo cakes are baked by JJBCI (Jezebel Jefelonius Bakeries Corporation Incorporated), and they do home deliveries. Jezebel Jefelonius herself oversees the administration of armadillo compound into every single cake that gets baked in the factory, and their safety record is impeccable.

Madagascar-Pie

Very delicious pie loved by anyone who tastes it. Especially loved by Zebra-Hounds.
Invented by Mrs. Nosey-Komba, who lives on a small island off northern Madagascar.
The recipe is actually classified (i.e. top secret). Only people on the previously-mentioned island know it. And of course, Homputer 44573X, who knows every recipe ever invented.

Swamp Juice

Swamp juice does not actually come from a swamp. Like many of Dash’s breakfast beverages, its name is an acronym:

S: Swed milk
W: Wombat juice
A: Artichoke juice
M: Marzipan
P: Pickled cucumber

And yes, it’s delicious.

Deggs

Deggs are eggs laid by Desert-Quails.
They are like chicken eggs, but better. They come in 132 different flavors.
Their flavor is activated by what kind of mood you’re in, and happens automatically.
For example, if you’re in a bad mood, the egg will sense that, and become a flavor that cheers you up.
Main kinds are:
Fry Deggs
Scramble Deggs
Poach Deggs
Boil Deggs

Snodwidge-pie

Totally delicious pies.

How to make them:

[1] Get a snod-hemple sandwich.
[2] Remove the hemple, and then the snod.
[3] Liquidise the snod and boil in walrus milk for a year.
[4] Add yeast and desiccated anchovy.
[5] Bake at a temperature of 325 for 72 hours.