Fieldguide – Animals & Insects

Devil-Cat

Huge double-tailed black cat that for some reason always lands up on the wrong side of the law. Terrified of watermelons. Loves vegetables, especially carrots.

When Devil-Cat was a tiny baby, he was left alone in the nest while his mother went to a meeting. Their nest happened to be in a watermelon tree. There was an old over-ripe watermelon on a branch overhanging the nest, and unfortunately it looked somewhat like the face of an old leathery monster. Poor little devil-cat lay cowering in the nest for over 6 hours thinking he was about to be eaten by the monster. Ever since then, he’s been scared of watermelons.

Devil-Cat’s dad was strict and seemed to be constantly disappointed with his only son. Devil-cat’s mom and seventeen sisters were constantly doting and fussing over him. Researchers have not been sure why he turned to the dark side. Perhaps to please his father? Perhaps to escape from the cloying over-protectiveness of his mom and sisters.

Pinkfish

Like goldfish, but a different color. Pink actually.
Very tame when happy, but when bored can be aggressive and bite like pirañas.
Need constant attention, i.e. have to be walked, entertained, read to before bed etc…
Some rich pinkfish actually have their own walk-bowls.
Walk-bowls are bowls that can walk, in case you were wondering.

Grobsnots

Nasty stinging insects a little like mosquitos.
Only left-handed people (like Mr. Hogsbottom and Mrs. Tadros) are allergic to them.

Saw-toothed Doublodiles

Vicious nasty things that can cut through anything with their teeth.
Except Krypto-web. They can’t cut through Krypto-web.
Some are vegetarian while others are carnivorous (such as the flesh-eating, saw-toothed doublodiles that breed around Devil Nose Island)

Sweds

Two-faced humped creatures found on open plains and near rivers. They say if you rub the hump of a swed at full moon, it will bring you good luck for a month.
Swedhump Elementary is named after them.

The three most common kinds are:

Grinning sweds: Mischievous. Collum Ollum once had one as a pet.
Grumpy sweds: The nicest kind. Friendly and sweet.
Smiling sweds: The smile is deceptive – they do actually bite.

Snarling Jetpack Hogs

Snarling Jetpack Hogs don’t need much explaining.
They are hogs, with jetpacks, that snarl.
Often accompany Mindreading-Scallywags.
They fly fast and are vicious.
Allergic to walrus milk.

Sniders

Sniders are like spiders, but 20% worse.
They have 10 legs.
Like spiders, some are nice, and some are horrible if disturbed or threatened.
And like spiders, if left in peace, they leave you in peace.
Mind-Reading Scallywags are completely terrified of them.

Invizizzes

An Invizizz is a type of stinging insect. If it stings you, the part of you that got stung goes invisible briefly, for an hour or so. If you get stung by several, you might go completely invisible, temporarily. It is believed that if you get stung by a swarm of over 1,000, you could go invisible forever. It is rumored that this is what happened to the Principal of Swedhump Elementary, Mrs. Rosebank.
The Invizizz Migration is a bi-annual event.

Osteops

Osteops are a bit likes cows, but not at all. They are totally different to cows, apart from their milk, which is delicious. They can be domesticated and it’s pretty easy to milk them. Most doctors recommend one glass of osteop milk per day, to be drunk between 7 and 8 am.

Smellephants

Smellephants are a bit like elephants, but they smell better. And I don’t mean they actually smell better, I mean they smell better, if you know what I mean. You don’t know what I mean?

So what I mean is they are better at smelling than elephants, because they can have up to 7 trunks.

Their favorite place to hang out in is smellephant grass. Obviously.

Prodigiosus Cantus Formicae (Ant Choir)

This is the World’s most famous ant choir.
Trained and taught by Dr. Williams.
They also have a dance routine – choreographed by Mr. Proudfoot.
“Prodigiosus Cantus Formicae” is Latin for “The Amazing Singing Ants”

The 40 permanent of the choir are listed alphabetically below.

First name (ant number)

Male members:

Antero (64,876)
Anthony (345,656,789)
Antioch (880)
Antoine (32,874,000)
Anton (5,651651)
Antonello (6,185,075,282)
Antonelllo (6,434,372)
Antonellllo (29,851)
Antonelllllllllo (6,936)
Antonellllllllllllllo (32,970)
Antoni (50,065,746)
Antonin (732,742)
Antonino (3,081,424)
Antonio (7,106,563,440)
Antonios (780,599)
Antonius (5,973)
Antony (6,209)
Antti (8,166,704,620)
Antwan (22,274)
Antwon (467,899)

Female members:

Anthea (5,074,648,276)
Anthee (35,810)
Anthi (11,182)
Anthoula (936,749)
Antinea (86,537)
Antje (2,012,729,224)
Antoinette (44,673)
Antonela (618,543)
Antonella (2,353,440)
Antonellla (4,340,151,464)
Antonelllla (378,825)
Antonetta (56,393)
Antonette (525)
Antonia (3,152,673)
Antonie (78,764)
Antonieta (43,684,905)
Antonietta (4,948,354,747)
Antonija (619,974,133)
Antonina (222,635)
Antonine (54,043)

Invizizz Migration

Bi-annual event where tens of millions of Invizizzes head south for the annual Invizizz Symposium and then north again to get home.
No-one knows what actually happens at the symposium.

Umbahorra

Large friendly-looking features with lovely smiles but devastating grins. This is due to their chronic halitosis (stinky breath). Their breath smells so bad it can actually kill you.

Vibrating Cockroach of Awfulness (VCA)

VCAs can be found in any terrain and under almost any circumstances. And regrettably, they can fly. Their vibrations initially are harmless, but if allowed to continue for over 6 minutes (i.e. 360 seconds), everything just starts to feel awful. Scientists are so far not able to explain it. Examples of the awfulness:
[1] If you are baking a cake and a VCA is undetected in the area, the cake will taste awful.
[2] If you go to the hairdresser and a VCA is in the vicinity, your hair will look awful.
[3] If you’re singing in a concert and VCA is somewhere in the room, you will sound awful.

Staircase Moose

Friendly creatures that can be tamed and become very useful for assistance with climbing up things. Same lifespan as humans. The staircase is not there when born, and usually only starts growing once the moose reaches the teenage years. Large herds of them are found in the northern reaches of Moremi forest.

Desert-Quails

Desert-Quails are quails that live in deserts.
To stay cool, they spend most of the day underground, with just their heads sticking out. They have extendable necks.
Their eggs, known as deggs, are delicious.

Most desert-quails are red chested, i.e. red-chested desert-quails. They are the nice ones. They can be domesticated and bred, and some red-chested quail farms are world famous, such as Pasternok Farms & Hatchery.

Blue-chested desert-quails are the ones to be careful of. Very, very careful of. The are a lot less common that their red-chested brethren, but they are far less chill. In fact, they are downright super crazy-aggressive. In fact, they are carnivorous. They only eat meat. And fresh meat at that. If you see one, don’t just run. RUN!

Yellow-chested desert-quails are very relaxed and have beautiful singing voices.
Green-chested desert-quails are also quite chill, and love to dig. Their deggs are difficult to find, taste delicious and are highly sought-after.

Zebra-Hounds

Absolutely awful, terrible, horrible, vicious dogs.
Extremely expensive.
And extremely stupid.
Tend to be owned by criminals.
Favorite food: Madagascar-Pie

Huggy Bunnies

Huggy bunnies are extremely cute bunnies that love to be hugged. It is believed there might be something very dangerous about them, but to date, we have not managed to discover what it is.
Ice-Scallywags are completely and utterly terrified of them.