Imminent Danger Warning Device (IDWD)

Flashes red when danger is very close.


A transformer is a HIGHLY technical device.
There are over 100 different types, and new models come out each year.
Dash currently uses a Chobey-2020 (this year’s model).
If you have FULL security clearance (Level 15c) we will be able to tell you more about them if you email us.

Backpack Ladder Deployment

The Backpack Ladder (BPL) is an important piece of equipment used by Dash and Rob on multiple missions. While very useful, it can also cause injury if incorrectly deployed. Accordingly, it is very important to have clean airspace over you when deploying. No low-lying trees or low ceilings, and obviously don’t deploy inside an aeroplane, train, hovercraft or hot-air balloon. The same goes for reverse deployment. Make sure there are no obstacles above you. When carrying one of these, make sure the top of your backpack is correctly fastened.

In 2016, three employees at the BPL factory were injured during the testing process. The main backpack cover was not correctly fastened and the ladder expanded inside the backpack which then exploded. In 2019 a BPL auto-deployed in a factory staff member’s car, causing him to drive off the road and into a shallow duckpond. Three ducks were injured and the factory had to pay a $25,000 fine. All three ducks recovered.


Small, concealable, very powerful laser. Ideal for cutting through things. Probably the only tool able to cut through krypto-web. Can also be used for communication.

Condensed Expandable Pocket Mirror (CEPM)

Small, concealable mirror that expands on deployment. Can be used to repel enemy beams (like mind-reading beams, or melt-beams). Can also be used for communication, for starting fires, and as an actual mirror.

Transformer Battery Maintenance

Dash’s transformer uses a RM66 high-voltage battery, which needs to be charged once a week. No more and no less. If charged more often that that, the transformer becomes too powerful, so for example, if overcharged, when trying to transform a cereal bowl into a watermelon, it could actually transform it into a hippopotamus, which would be funny, but probably not good. If charged less often than weekly, the transformer becomes too weak, so for example, if you were intending to transform a bicycle into a car, it might transform it into a wheelbarrow instead.

Anti-Invisibility Goggles

Anti-Invisibility Goggles (AIGs) are an extremely useful tool. Dash and Rob usually have them in their backpacks.
They are most effective for recently-invisibilised things. So for example, if a Wrestle-Scallywag went into invisibility-mode a few minutes ago, the AIG would pick him up. But if the Wrestle-Scallywag went into invisibility-mode a few weeks ago, the AIG probably would not.

Dash & Rob both have AIG-878s, which work at night, and under water.

The first set of Anti-Invisibility Goggles were actually invented by Mr. Rosebank when he was in his early thirties. At the time, he thought he was hearing voices but suspected it might actually be something different, since he didn’t really feel like he was going crazy.

Once he’d developed the goggles, and put them on, he saw that he was almost continuously being followed by small flying airborne mouth-holes (a common type of flying mouth, usually found only deep with the Moremi Forest). The particular type of airborne mouth-hole that followed him, was the kind that just never shuts up. He purchased a special kind of spray made from the liquidated toe-jam of a swedhump, that smelt so bad it soon got rid of the mouth-holes, but for a while also got rid of all his friends.

A few months later he decided to develop the goggles for commercial purposes, and now they are fairly widely available, to those in the know.

It’s important to note that Anti-Invisibility Goggles are NOT able to see people who have been made invisible by invizizz attack, so he is not able to see his wife, Mrs. Rosebank.


A Warp-Vortex allows the warpee (owner) plus sub-warpee (passenger) to move from one place to another in a trilli-second. Warp-Vortexes are typically backpack-mounted. Pocket versions do exist but are quite expensive. Each Warp-Vortex has its own password, which the users will not share under any circumstances (so don’t even ask).

When doing a round-trip, the warpee uses the Input Nozzle to get there, and the Output Nozzle to return. Full Combat Extrication entails deploying the Warp-Vortex during actual combat.

SPIN Radio

A SPIN Radio (Secure Police Interface Neo-mogrifier) lets the user communicate directly with International Police Headquarters. Very few exist and only-highly trained experts are allowed to use them. It folds up to the size of a small pea. Rob Newman usually has one with him.

Secure Command Center (SCC)

The SCC is the technology headquarters for Dash and Rob. It’s where their communications, surveillance and airborne/waterborne reconnaissance hardware is stored and operated.
It is accessible by tunnel only.


Dash uses a wide range of drones for communications and surveillance. Most are equipped with infra-red, infra-green and infra-blue technology.

Micro Modulated Shrinkulator

Highly sophisticated device that shrinks things.
Only to be used if you have a Clearance Certificate which requires 3 months of training.
Once you shrink something with this, it cannot be undone.
I repeat, it CANNOT be undone.

Invisibility Shield

Makes everything inside it go invisible.

Full-Vacuum-Snozzle (FVS)

Large vacuum hose with turbo-charged suction
ossicle attached.
Can be purchased as a standalone unit (like a lawnmower or household vacuum cleaner) or as a vehiculated extra feature (e.g. the Aardvark 66 hole-digger comes with one).
Suction capacity standard model: 366 viento-watts
Suction capacity premium model: 588 viento-watts


Highly useful and effective device that tidies everything up. Range is 12 metres. Can only be used once per 24 hours. If used twice, the second time it actually doubles the mess.

3D Macro-map

Aardvark hole-diggers come equipped with 3-dimensional macro-maps. They allow the user to see exactly where they are when underground. Radar functionality allows them too see through the ground to other machines and other tunnels, with a range of 25 miles. Infra-red functionality allows it to assess soil type and density at a range of up to 5 miles. Infra-green functionality allows it to spot living/breathing creatures underground with a range of up to 1 mile.

The upgrade, the 4D Macro-map is scheduled to be released next year. So it will be able to generate underground maps in 4 dimensions, i.e.

[1] width
[2] breadth
[3] height
[4] smell

Because of the extremely sensitive nature of the technology used in it, unfortunately we are not able to give more information about it at this stage, but we can confirm the device will be able to smell, and what it smells will be fully integrated into the user experience, either visually on the screen, or via ossicles inserted into the user’s nostril.

Full-Vacuum-Anti-Sandstorm Snozzle (FVASS)

Large vacuum hose with turbo-charged suction ossicle attached.
Can be purchased as a standalone unit (like a lawnmower or household vacuum cleaner) or as a vehiculated extra feature (e.g. the Aardvark 66 hole-digger comes with one).

Suction capacity standard model: 366 viento-watts

Suction capacity premium model: 588 viento-watts

Bear Dryer

A bear dryer is like a hair dryer but [a] it’s a huge one and [5] it’s used for drying bears instead of hairs.
If you have a wet bear, point the dryer towards it, turn the snozzle to setting 14, and activate. Either walk around the bear once every thirty seconds or ask it to do slow, full rotations over 30 seconds, and it will be completely dry after 4 rotations. Also very useful for melting ice.


Unbelievably strong (and expensive) tape made of composite Krypro-web fibres.
On strip is strong enough to support a teenage Osteop and one person the size of Dash.


A VVS-printer is a Very-Very-Small printer. Dash keeps one in his backpack at all times. When in off-mode, it is the size of a pea. When activated, it can enlarge to the size of a regular printer. A VVS-printer comes standard-issue with never-ending ink cartridges.


Invented by Greta Gretchen-Hoffer, this is a throwable hook that will catch on almost anything if thrown correctly. Super-light and super-strong. Made of Krypto-web fibre. Dash, Rob & Greta always have them in their backpacks.


An Ear-Lobe-Transponder-34 is an earlobe-mounted mind-activated communications transponder. It operates at a frequency of 34 Hector-Shnassils, and comes in maximum pods of 12. Typical use is in pairs or trios. Example of paired use: Person A and B each have one. If person A wants to communicate with person B, all he or she needs to do is think of person B and mumble a pre-arranged password. This will immediately allow them to communicate as if through walkie-talkies or a field radio.
All the ELT34 communication codes are listed in the ELT34 Manual.


This is a high-frequency radio beam that can defrost things from a distance. For example it can defrost a frozen chicken from 3 miles away. The beams are not at all dangerous and can travel through soil, rock and concrete (except if the the concrete is reinforced with crypto-web fibres). The Secure Command Center is equipped with one, and it’s beams can comfortably defrost anything on school premises.


An Annoyingometer™ is a wrist-mounted annoyingness detector. Range can extend up to 500 yards. Recommended range setting 100 yards and under. If you set the distance too large, it will pick excessive annoyingness, which in itself would be annoying, and might cause the device to malfunction.

The Annoyingometer™ is manufactured by Siena Industries Corporation. Ms. M’Punn-Dinn-Gurry and Mr. Ghogghh were involved with field-testing the first model.

Similar devices include the Grumpometer™ and the Sulkometer™. The broad-spectrum Moodometer™, still in development and undergoing testing, is expected to be available in June next year.

The Annoyingness Measurement Scale (AMS) is calibrated globally and all devices are rebooted and set to the new calibration every year on January 1st. This means all devices work on the same measurement basis.

Calibration goes from 0 to 127.

0: Nothing annoying anywhere near you
1-25: Barely annoying
26-50: Sustainably annoying
51-75: Tolerable annoyingness
76-100: Starts getting uncomfortable
101-111: More uncomfortable – think about leaving the area
112-125: Very uncomfortable, leave the area immediately
126-127: Severely dangerous situation

MB44 (freezer door cutter)

A MB44 is a device specifically made for cutting through freezer doors. Its blades are made of tungsten and titanium (very strong metals) and encrusted with razor-diamonds (really sharp diamonds).