Jump-Splodge Painting

Highly sophisticated and respected art-form.

Jump-splodge painting involves jumping off a cupboard onto pre-positioned paint tubes, which then shoots the paint onto a canvas or wall.

Ms. Woodhouse is probably one of the world’s most respected jump-splodge painters.

She did her apprenticeship with Professor Moira Abromo-Wittgenstein herself at the Abromo-Wittgenstein School of Art & Mathematics. Professor Abromo-Wittgenstein is one of the world’s most famous jump-splodge teachers, but she approaches it from a mathematical perspective. She believes that the trajectory (flight-path through the air) of any splodge of paint can be mathematically defined. This implies that the perfect technique can actually be obtained by mathematical modelling. It’s actually too complicated for us to go into here. You wouldn’t understand. You really wouldn’t. And we’re not saying you’re bad at math, were’ just saying that it’s highly complicated. Nothing personal.

Anyway, during her apprenticeship, Ms. Woodhouse pioneered the screech-jump technique. This involves screaming or screeching during the jump. This allows the jumper to be a lot more relaxed during the actual jump, which results in a much more realistic form of final painting. It also scares competitors, if you happen to be participating in a jump-splodge painting competition.