Sport that involves racing around a room while balancing atop a big wobbly rubber ball. Invented by Sir Stephenson Remington-Hobbes in 2012, who was also the World Champion from 2012-2016.

Wobble-ball World Champions

2012: Sir Stephenson Remington-Hobbes
2013: Sir Stephenson Remington-Hobbes
2014: Sir Stephenson Remington-Hobbes
2016: Sir Stephenson Remington-Hobbes
2017: Mr. Grodzinsky
2018: Mr. Grodzinsky
2019: Mr. Grodzinsky


Paper-rock-scissors-carrot-spoon-tissue-elbow is similar to Rock paper scissors (also known as ro-sham-bo).

This is a hand game played between two people, in which each player simultaneously forms one of seven shapes with an outstretched hand. It is a simultaneous, zero-sum game insofar as it has only two possible outcomes: a draw, or a win for one player and a loss for the other.

Paper beats rock beats scissor beats carrot beats spoon beats tissue (obviously) beats elbow.

Jump-Splodge Painting

Highly sophisticated and respected art-form.

Jump-splodge painting involves jumping off a cupboard onto pre-positioned paint tubes, which then shoots the paint onto a canvas or wall.

Ms. Woodhouse is probably one of the world’s most respected jump-splodge painters.

World Face-Pulling Championship

The WFPC is an annual event held at the Uzbükkuu Zoo, that attracts the world’s top face-pullers, not only because of the prestige, but also because of the prize money.

1st prize = $12,000,000
2nd prize: $5,000,000
3rd prize: $12.75

List winners this century:
2000: Rodney the Ossifier
2001: Rodney the Ossifier
2002: Maureen Zhonst
2003: Jamie el-Nagapie
2004: Cancelled due to a grobsnot infestation
2005: Ben & Eileen Dover (tied 1st place)
2006: Siena Rennie
2007: Gabriel Tarrow
2008: Wolraad Woltemaade
2009: Jezebela the Marauder
2010: Genevieve the Ossifier (cousin of Rodney the Ossifier)
2011: Humperdinck Swedgewidge-Holstein
2012: Lara Leigh McFabulous
2013: Cancelled due to invizizz migration
2014: Mika Haber
2015: Humperdinck Swedgewidge-Holstein
2016: Heeza Nidyitt
2017: Ima Nidyitt (twin sister of Heeza)
2018: Maxwellian Wald
2019: Julian & Lukas Jammy (tied 1st place)
2020: Cancelled due to Coronavirus

Flamingo Shuffle

The Flamingo Shuffle is World Famous Dance created and choreographed by Mr. Proudfoot.

In it, dancers mimic flamingoes. It is so effective that if done in areas that flamingoes inhabit, they might well come and join in. There was a famous incident in 2017 when a live performance at the school was unwisely held during the annual flamingo migration, and over one million birds descended on Swedhump Elementary. The show had to be cancelled and the schools was closed for a week as special cleaners needed to come in to get rid of all the droppings. Can you imagine, a million flamingo poos.

Marine Biology Week

Each grade at Swedhump Elementary goes on a 1 week marine trip every year. Involves travel but boat (on HMS Snod-Bucket), submarine and 3 nights at the legendary Angel Island Hotel. Everyone looks forward to it.

World Potted-Plant Balancing Championships

Highly-competitive annual event.

List of recent champions:

1958: Mr. Steadyneck
2000: Constance Noring
2001: Oliver Sutton
2002: Eileen Dover
2003: Ben Dover
2004: Jim Nazium
2005: Barb Dwyer
2006: Mike Raffone
2007: Sheila Tack
2008: Mona Lott
2009: Anita Bath
2010: Olive Yew
2011: Hosyuh Snumplewidge
2012: Humperdinck Pinsnoffian
2013: Augustus Pinsnoffian
2014: Horatio Pinsnoffian
2015: Anna Larm
2016: Mika McLara
2017: Joshua & Theodore Godfrey
2018: Siena Rennie
2019: Gabriel Klein
2020: Eli Mockton

Potted-Plant Balancing Moves

1: monuple
2: couple
3: triple
4: quadruple
5: quintuple
6: sextuple
7: septuple
8: octuple
9: nonuple
10: decuple
11: undecuple
12: duodecuple
13: tredecuple
14: quattuordecuple
15: quindecuple
16: sexdecuple
17: septendecuple
18: octodecuple
19: novemdecuple
20: vigintuple
21: unvigintuple
22: duovigintuple
23: trevigintuple
24: quattuorvigintuple
25: quinvigintuple
26: sexvigintuple
27: septenvigintuple
28: octovigintuple
29: novemvigintuple
30: trigintuple
31: untrigintuple
40: quadragintuple
41: unquadragintuple
50: quinquagintuple
60: sexagintuple
70: septuagintuple
80: octogintuple
90: nongentuple
100: centuple
1,000: milluple


Triplosaults are triple somersaults.
A Grinning Triplosault is a triple somersault whilst grinning.
A Grinning Jellybeanified Triplosault is a triple somersault whilst grinning whilst eating a jellybean.

The counting goes as follows:

Somersault (single somersault)
Doublosault (double somersault)
Triplosault (triple somersault)
Quadrosault (4 somersaults)
Quintosault (5 somersaults)
Hexasault (6 somersaults)
Septasault (7 somersaults)
Octosault (8 somersaults)
Nonosault (9 somersaults)
Decosault (10 somersaults)
Nonononosault (99 somersaults)
Nonononononosault (999 somersaults)
Weirdosault (failed somersault)
Dumbersault (somersaulting into a wall – Granvil Henrikks has been known to do this)
Plumbersault (when Mr. Plumtree does a somersault)
Summersomersault (a somersault in the summer)
Wintersomersault (a somersault in the winter)

Pause Game

Highly social, brilliant and occasionally annoying game. First recorded occurrence of it was in ancient Hipposwotania in 467 BC. The game has been refined over generations and the rules are now codified in the Pauselopedia.

Basic rules as follows:

RULE 1: When someone shouts “Pause!”, everyone in the room has to freeze completely still, including the person who shouted “Pause!”

RULE 2: You can only move again when the shouter shouts “Play!”

RULE 3: The shouter needs to hold their breath between shouting “Pause!” and “Play!”

RULE 4: If the shouter breathes before they say “Play!”, the “Pause!” is broken and everyone can move again.

RULE 5: Each person is only allowed to shout “Pause!” once per day, and they can do it whenever they want.

Advanced Pause Strategy (APS)

In order to acquire Pause-Master certification, the candidate needs to perfect APS. This involves four main steps:
[1] Learning of the entire Pauselopedia off-by-heart.
[2] Spending 6 months in a cave on top of a mountain with a Pause Guru.
[3] Perfecting the Gold Star Tips of that particular Pause Guru.
[4] Getting through the preliminary knockout round of the Pause Game World Championships.

Pause Game World Championships

Held annually.

Prizes as follows:

1st place: Gold medal + $5,000,006
2nd place: Silver medal + $2,000,006
3rd place: Bronze medal + $1,000,003
4th place: Copper medal + $100 + 5 gallons of wombat juice
5th place: No prize
6th place: Aluminium medal + a bag of carrots (nice ones)

FiCTaP Mode

Acronym for Find Clues, Track and Pursue.

This is not classified as an actual combat move.

Regarded as a key asset which is why it is taught as a year-1 course at most academies for stealth operatives.

The sub-modes of FiCTAP Mode are as follows:

[1] FiC: Find Clues. Look for clues anywhere. Be creative and think differently. Don’t accept normal as normal. Fugitives aim to trick you.
[2] T: Track. Follow the clues, but be prepared for them to disappear or change. Good tracking involves patience and attention to detail. Having a snack with you also helps.
[3] P: Pursue. Three types: [a] Stealth Pursuit – Your prey does not know he/she/it is being followed. [b] Active Live Pursuit – Your prey has spotted you. [c] Confidential – sorry but we can’t give any details on this as you don’t have security-clearance 56/foxtrot.


A strange and very satisfying sport that Mr. Stinson invented in 2019.
The aim of the game is to throw an object (X) as close to the ceiling as possible, without it touching. If you throw it too hard, it goes thwump and hits the ceiling. If you throw it too soft, it drops away too soon.
Object X = is usually something small like an eraser, an apricot, a marble, a heemo-globule globule or anything else similar in size.

List of World Champions
Mr. Stinson (2019) – only entrant
Mr. Stinson (2020) – only entrant